whatever

ARE YOU A HIM, HER OR HEN?

2012-03-07T14:06:00.001Z

Click the pic to read. By moi!

HEN IS A HEN

2012-02-28T20:31:00.001Z

The word for sexless people/people who don't want to be associated with their gender roles are referred to as "hen" in Swedish.

My "transsexual" Santa in not transsexual.

Hen is a hen.

THIS: IS HOW I FEEL ATM

2012-02-27T12:37:00.002Z

THE J-ERROR

2012-02-26T15:32:00.004Z

On my way home from Café Mix on Friday I picked up the latest issue of Nöjesguiden and was like,
"Damn! they spelled my name wrong..." See it on page 11.

WHY RIGHT-WING SWEDEN IS WRONG

2012-01-19T15:38:00.007Z

On November 20 last year, my French boyfriend and I found ourselves on a plane to Sweden. Behind us was a great but pretty unstable life in London. When I, four years earlier, had left Stockholm for adventures in London, I left a country too safe and sorted for the good of my 20 year-old curiosity.

At some point in your crazy twenty-something life you get cravings after something nice and sorted. Somewhere where you don't have to worry about getting kicked out from your home and where you can build up a healthy lifestyle. We thought that Stockholm was the city in which we could find all these things.

But the Sweden we moved to is completely different from the Sweden I thought I knew.

Sweden changed government from a social democratic, pretty caring state to "Sweden's only labour party," i.e. the conservative party Moderaterna in 2006. When a country, who previously been funded by tax-payers so that pretty much all essentials such as education and health services being nearly free, change government into a pro-capitalist government, you get a big problem. Education and health services are no longer in the hands of the tax-payers, instead they are being sold off to a few rich, private investors. This means that what the previous generations Swedes worked hard to keep available for everyone, is now only available for a few rich ones. So, when a hospital or a school which has been built up by tax money, paid by the people, is being sold off to a private company or person, what the previous Swedish labourers essentially have done, is to give their hard-earned money to privatised companies.

Since the Social Democratic Party has been in control pretty much always since the 1930s, everything that has been built up by their left-wing, tax-funded politics is being raped and demolished by a few years of the right-wing, hierarchy politics Moderaterna has imposed on Swedish society. This change happened because the Swedes were tired and needed something new (Moderaterna came up with a marketing plan, calling themselves "Nya Moderaterna," meaning the New Moderaterna). Towards 2006, the Swedish labourers did no longer see where their tax money went and were promised more money for their labour and bigger freedom of choice. However, no one was told that the "freedom" offered by Nya Moderaterna can only be bought with money. And yes, people earned a bit more with the new government, but not enough to pay for the essentials.

Apart from private-owned education and health services, what is just as frightening, is the privatisation of housing. In the UK, it is pretty average these days to rent an ex-council flat that you share with a group of friends. In Sweden, such sharing is illegal. Also, before Nya Moderaterna formed the government pretty much anyone with a job could afford to buy a property. It was allowed to take a mortgage to cover all costs of your purchase. This allowed even the youngest twenty-something Swedes to get on the property ladder. But with Nya Moderaterna, the so-called "top loan" was abolished. Everyone who now wants to buy a property needs to pay 15% of the total sum in cash from their own pocket - but the banks refuse to give you a mortgage including these 15%.

To rent is not even an option since most previously government-owned rental flats are being sold off to the private market. And if you are lucky enough to have a first-hand contract on a rental flat with a private landlord, that is something you won't give up. A friend of mine have lived in a flat for five years with a second-hand contract, paying 150% more in rent each month to the girl with the first-hand contract. The first-hand girl doesn't even live in Sweden anymore and will probably never come back. This is obviously illegal, but the shortage of properties being available for everyone forces the second-hand tenant to pay what is asked of her to be able to have somewhere to stay.

And what happens if you, like me, don't have a job and can barely afford to eat? Well, since I've been abroad for the past four years, I haven't paid any taxes since 2007. And even though I've been paying taxes every summer and more between 2002-2007, my parents and grandparents have been paying taxes all their lives, and during my four years abroad, three years were funded by a Swedish student loan, I'm not eligible for job seekers allowance in Sweden. This, because my first year in the UK, I was working and paying taxes there, and not in Sweden. The job seekers allowance in Sweden only tracks your work history back 365 days. Bummer.

Luckily for me, I didn't move back to Sweden alone. I brought a work willing EU-citizen with me. However, the fact that Sweden is a part of the EU essentially only benefits Swedish people who want to go abroad. Being part of the EU and coming into Sweden is a completely different story.

There is a "slightly" racist party in Sweden called The Swedish Democrats (who basically are the equivalent of the British National Party and are a bunch of morons) who managed to get pretty much to say about immigration politics in Sweden lately. They have a few of their air heads hanging out in the parliament. Propaganda such as these days the most common name in Malmö for new-borns is Mohammed (a pretty non-"Swedish" name) is widespread. The irony is that Sweden is a country built up by immigrants. I mean, the royal family of Sweden is a bit German and a bit French (but oh so "Swedish"). As a result of the Swedish Democrats' "Sweden friendly" politics, coming from another EU-country to Sweden to stay is very difficult.

First off, you need to register at the migration board (you have a three-month deadline to sort yourself out before Sweden will ask you to leave), then you need to get yourself a personal identification number to be able to pay taxes. Unfortunately, in most cases, you need this number when applying for a job. And you can't get the number before either already having a job, starting up your own business or having that much money that you can take care of yourself for like a year. I wonder who has these kind of savings? Well, obviously not the average twenty-something dude from France. Also, most jobs in Sweden, even the jobs where you aren't in contact with customers (such as kitchen porter jobs etc.), demand that you are pretty fluent in the Swedish language. And here's the joke; you can't learn Swedish until you get your personal identification number. Confusing? It's a Catch 22. And it is basically just as difficult to get into Sweden being a EU-citizen as it is for those who are seeking asylum.

As for me, to be able to get any kind of help and support from the Swedish job centre I need to get my Bachelor degree from University of the Arts London acknowledged by the Swedish higher education agency first. This process takes four months.

What is essentially asked of me is that I find any job in any working field as quick as possible. However, the lack of jobs is making the competition massive. One advert for a job that suits my profile is on average viewed between 400 and 5000 times. You don't have to come from a mathematical background to understand that the chances are very small to get that job. I don't need to add that my education and age makes me slightly too old and too educated to work at the biggest provider of jobs for young people in Sweden, McDonald's. And to become a cleaner, I need (in most cases) a driver's license which I don't have.

Where lies the future for Sweden if the middle-class has become working class and the working class - the majority, has become poor? Are the rest of Sweden's 9 million citizens going to end up with unpaid vast debts just as half a million Swedes already do? The solution for most Swedes would probably be to move abroad. After all, that is something that we historically have been very good at.

ABOUT MOVING

2012-01-18T23:15:00.006Z

I live in Stockholm today. I've been living here for two months on Friday. It is very strange, even though I lived most of the first 20 years of my life here. I grew up here. I learned to walk, talk, ride a bike and here is where I found out what to do, where to go and how to do it. But since I was 20 I've been living somewhere else, in London. And it is impossible to compare Stockholm with London.

London is the most important city of my adult life. It was in London that I actually became an adult. There is only one place like London. Everything from food and accommodation to friends and things to do is completely different in London. This is because the people that I've met in London all have London in common.

In Stockholm people don't have the city as a common ground. In Stockholm people compete. It is so weird that a country that is supposed to be one of the most equal and democratic countries (Sweden) in the world has a capital with such a social incompetence (Stockholm). It's hierarchy and prejudice at its worse. You get hired for who you know rather than for what you do (sorry, that's a wide generalisation, I know). You go to parties depending on your social, economical and political background rather than to have fun. And you constantly have to introduce yourself with what you do rather than with who you are. This obviously happens in London too, but it is not as apparent, because London is big and it is easy to avoid people and areas where this kind of bullshit happens. What I also realised is that London is a lot smaller and more friendly and familiar than Stockholm is not only socially, but also on the map. When I lived in London. if I wanted to hang out at a friend's house, it was never more than a 20 minute bike ride away. In Stockholm it's a project. It takes time and you pretty much depend on public transport.

So now I'm thinking that maybe it is the loneliness in Stockholm that makes people so unfriendly. People lack social competence. People don't live here to get friends and to develop as individuals. People live here to dream about going somewhere else. I did. And then I dreamed about coming back. And here I am. Happy about the potential Stockholm has. Sad about the competition: I'm not in some race. I just want to chill out and have a high quality of life - something that, at the time of me leaving, didn't go very well in London. what I didn't see though, was that it was a lot more socially fulfilling than this cold-blooded "capital of Scandinavia."

NOTE: THIS IS MY MIDDLE-OF-THE-NIGHT-BLUE-MONDAY-TURNED-BLUE-WEEK TALKING. STOCKHOLM IS GREAT IN SO MANY WAYS. I LOVE STOCKHOLM.

Follow me on tumblr for regular updates.

SERIOUSLY

2011-12-21T20:37:00.001Z

Roro and me at Nöjesguidens smygläsning in Stockholm. Photo by Erik Lydén.

Hello seriousness!

TRANSSEXUAL SANTA

2011-12-14T20:20:00.000Z

I’ve had this Santa since I was very young. My mum normally put him under the Christmas tree to guard the Christmas presents when I was a kid. I was always really fascinated about this Santa because of the fact that he had a beard, blue eyes and… a vagina.

This was really confusing to me as a kid. I mean, why would anyone manufacture an obvious Santa man with a female sex? Why even make a gender on a Santa doll? I thought Santa was the symbol that is so far away from nudity and sex and gender roles as anything could possibly be.

And now when we moved into my mum’s old flat, we found the Santa on the attic. The weird thing about the Santa being on the attic is that my mum has brought ALL Christmas stuff to her new house… except for the transsexual Santa!

Anyway, I got really happy to see him, so we put him in our front room in the flat for the extra Christmas feeling.

Now, the other weird thing about the trans-santa is that he moves around in the flat – by himself. And he’s a fucking doll! I’m not kidding! This morning he was standing on top of the open fire place, but then this afternoon he was standing on the floor. Neither my boyfriend or flatmate claims to have moved him!

Everyone in the flat is now wondering: is the Santa sexually frustrated? Is he magic? Or maybe it’s the darkness in Stockholm that makes us all go a bit crazy, forgetting about moving him around. But why would anyone move him in the first place?

….

To be continued.

HAPPY LUCIA

2011-12-13T20:27:00.000Z

ABOUT/FOLLOWING/READING

2011-07-05T11:36:00.001+01:00

Londonsvenskar interviewed me the other day because I'm blogging at their site at the moment

(in case you missed it).

If you miss me, read my BLOG and follow me on TWITTER *LOVE*

MY FAVOURITE LOVE SONG OF ALL TIMES!

2011-05-06T14:21:00.001+01:00

FIESTA!

2011-05-06T14:07:00.003+01:00

Last year when I was at 1234 Shoreditch, a mate of mine, Johny, interviewed Bo Ningen.

Now, in the year of 2011, they're playing at the launch party for Vice's new music site NOISEY.

Check it out.

PINK THURSDAY

2011-04-22T09:53:00.004+01:00

Me and my niece Linnea dressed up as Easter bitches.

In Sweden, the Thursday before Good Friday is called something like "Pink Thursday." Traditionally (according to myth), witches are throwing a big party with the Devil in a place called "The Blue Hills." For some weird reason, Swedish children dress up like these witches - who are literally translated into "Easter Bitches" - and knock on people's doors to give easter cards and receive silly amounts of candy in return. I've been told that this Easter alone the people of Sweden will eat something like 6 billion kilos of candy all together. We're only 9 million people in this country. You do the math.

NORTH EUROPEAN HAIR

2011-04-12T19:40:00.002+01:00

I'm obsessed with long hair. So while I'm waiting for my slow dead cells to grow I'm using extensions to create my favourite hair-do of all times. Someone told me once (when I used to do this thing with my real hair) that this hair-do makes me look stupid and very German/Scandinavian. That someone obviously doesn't know what he's talking about.

YESTERDAY

2011-04-08T11:16:00.003+01:00

My friend Aron is, as you might know, a publisher. Yesterday Morel Books had a book launch for Tereza Zelekova's Supreme Vice at Donlon books. VERY NICE. Moonlight, projection of images from the book, garden-hang, beer etc. You kind of wish you were there.

AWESOME PHOTO BOOTH PHOTO

2011-04-04T20:36:00.003+01:00

*exposing my swedishness*

THE FUNNIEST FACE EXPRESSION I KNOW

2011-03-28T09:59:00.002+01:00

So I haven't done the blog-thing much lately because 1) I've been writing my dissertation 2) been worrying about my future and 3) I'm doing the blog-thing in Swedish HERE. I know it might be super lame for you English speaking readers to try to get to grips with what I'm saying in posts like this and this, but from what I know, people only like to see pictures of "interesting" things anyway. Words are so 2007. (I totally chose the wrong professional field). So here is a picture for you: Adam Goldberg in 2 Days in Paris and the face he is doing while trying to stare away a weird person on the metro in Paris is one of the funniest thing in fiction I know. I'm like literally LOL if you know what I mean.

BJÖRK HEARTS MANCHESTER

2011-03-18T17:26:00.004Z

Some rather exciting news: Björk will be attending Manchester International Festival for a three week residency and the world premiere of her latest work Biophilia, commencing on June 30. She will preform during six shows with new material as well as some precious work. Biophilia is suppose to be Björk's most ambitious work to date. For more info, check out mif.co.uk

MUSIC ON A MONDAY (I LIKE)

2011-03-14T15:25:00.002Z

BLOG IN SWEDE-ISH

2011-03-11T19:53:00.005Z

Two things: 1) the new Londonsvenskar.com launched today.
2) Read my london-caisa-swedish-whatever-blog. Click the pic! (Header by Roro Charnel).

SOME LAZY HEADLINE

2011-03-08T19:50:00.004Z

Click here for some pretty pretty photos by Lauren Max that makes you wanna live in the Pacific Northwest. And be older than you are. And have a better life. And be someone else.

You might also get the need to eat mustard.

FRANCE AND GRAVES THAT NO ONE CARES ABOUT ANYMORE

2011-03-02T15:15:00.005Z

I was in France just recently for a few days. When I was 19 I went to Montpellier for some months to study French. I saved some of my student loan so that I, after my studies, could move to Paris (via Les 2 Alpes for some skiing with my best friend, her sister and some rude and rich French students). I stayed in Paris until I had minus seven Swedish crones on my bank account. My mum gave me a ticket back to Sweden out of pity, which I didn't deserve. Now, I should be able to speak pretty good French because of all this. But unfortunately, that is not the case.

Anyway, every time I've been to France since then, I've been going to Paris to visit friends. However, during the past year, when I cross the English Channel, I often go to this region called Lorraine. There is a city there, Commercy, which is famous for its cakes Madeleines (very addictive).

To get to the point: there are amazingly beautiful cemeteries there. A lot of them are placed in hills so that the dead, according to my guide, "get closer to heaven." In the old days there used to be someone who worked with taking care of the graves when sometimes there weren't any family members left to look after the memorial places of their relatives. Nowadays, there are rarely such a person or such a job. This often results in graves looking as if they will fall apart any minute - or as on the picture above - that graves have already fallen into pieces.

GHOSTS!

2011-03-02T14:06:00.003Z

Click the pic to READ MORE.

MUSIC AROUND US

2011-02-27T23:34:00.007Z

I was at Servant Jazz Quarters in Dalston yesterday to watch You And Others Around You (YAOAY). My friend Sydney is singing and playing synth/keyboard. She's amazing. YAOAY are amazing in general. There were some other bands playing too that were really good. YAOAY were on last and didn't play for as long as I/everyone had hoped. But whatever. It was sick anyway.

Click the pic for YAOAY's next gig.

LFW/UNI

2011-02-23T11:54:00.006Z

London Fashion Week is on at the moment and my favourite part of my professional life is covering the shows. Emma aka Lolita Says So has been doing a great job for Under/current so far. Check it out. I am, on the other hand, covered by boring dissertation stuff - no glamour in my life at the moment. But you know what they say about knowledge being power...

WE WROTE

2011-02-21T15:15:00.000Z

Beth Ditto wrote the book and I wrote the review.

BRITNEY IS A THIEF (ISH)

2011-02-21T11:31:00.006Z

12 years before "Hold it against me"

Forward to 2.42

I just want to draw attention to that, unless it's a work of the house of Alexander McQueen, Britney Spears' stylists in her latest video have done a total rip-off of McQueen's SS99. This matter has probably already been discussed elsewhere from the minute Brit's latest music video was released. But I just got back from an amazing trip to the countryside where Brit's video was frequently played on French music television. Despite me being far away from fashion, McQueen appeared on my mind as many times as Brit says 'me' in her latest so-called hit single (referring to her glory days of the early 00's). Am I right or what?

LITE FASHION LIKSOM

2011-02-16T12:56:00.003Z

I'm developing my Swenglish (combined Swedish and English)/practicing my French/studying some twitter (yes, really). And getting dressed. (With music by The Rapture). I'm going to France tomorrow. Pepp!

A DETAIL

2011-02-16T00:38:00.007Z

I've heard that it's essential to blog about details in your home, so I thought it was time to show the world my favourite thing in my room (also, I can't sleep). Now, this picture is from an article about a sex-sect-leader (or similar) in Dazed & Confused magazine from 2007/2008. If anyone knows which particular issue this picture is from I would like to know. Also, I would love to know his name. I used to know, but I don't remember anymore (I'm getting old). Anyway, he's not on my wall because of his name or for what he did, he's on my wall because he looks good there. He's like a very modern madonna or something - and yes, I framed him because he's the closest thing to a real-life sex-god I've ever read about.

NEWS/COMING CHANGES/SVENSKA!

2011-02-14T12:10:00.005Z

I'm involved with Londonsvenskar.com (London swedes). This coming spring will therefore see some changes such as blog posts in Swedish, more information about London and more perspective on my life as a Swedish person living in the English capital. However, as most of my few readers aren't Swedish, I aim to do the blog-thing in both Swedish and English. I never thought my bilingual skills would be useful for as long as I still lived in London. I guess I was wrong.

Kanns ju lite onodigt att skriva pa svenska redan nu. Men ni fattar; forandringar och framtida samarbete med Londonsvenskar innebar att jag ska borja blogga pa bade svenska och engelska. Pepp!

JAMES BLAKE HA HA

2011-02-11T19:02:00.001Z

clicccccck the picccccck

QUESTIONS/SKINNYJEANS

2011-02-09T16:27:00.007Z

Skinny-jeans with nothing underneath

This friend of a friend of a friend of mine (I'm sure you know how it goes + I'm pretty sure this isn't one of those rumours), likes to wear skinny-jeans. And there's nothing wrong with that. Most of us likes/wants/used to like wearing skinny-jeans (except Marek who gets violent by the thought of them). If you have a fit bum and perfect legs it's rather flattering. Skinny-jeans are also very handy if you're a girl since it's a bit warmer during winter to wear jeans rather than tights.

Anyway, the friend of this friend etc. is a boy/man/male and he likes to wear so tight and skinny skinny-jeans that it's impossible for him to wear underwear under his tight-rather-extra-layer-of-skin-skinny-jeans. When I heard this I got pretty surprised, I mean, you normally don't wash jeans that often and I've heard that - correct me if I'm wrong - men tend to sweat a lot around the ball-area. According to my source, when you don't wear underwear under your skinny-jeans (at least in this case), your private parts become rather visable, especially when the jeans are so tight you can't but wonder how the hell he got them on in the first place.

Now, my questions in this matter are many because I've never heard about this phenomenon before. However, I would like to highlight the most apparent questions of mine; Is this a common phenomenon in the skinny-jeans-world? If it is common, don't the jeans become extreamly smelly, i.e. isn't it difficult to get laid? Do people skip to wear something under skinny-jeans to attract potential sex partners? Isn't wearing a hard fabric such as jeans-fabric very uncomfortable and unkind to the private parts?

The questions are endless... If anyone knows the answer to any of my inquiries please contact me on the email address provided on the right-hand side. Thank you very much!

JIMMY MERRIS & HIS SHARING IS CARING VIDEO ART

2011-02-07T17:23:00.004Z

Read my latest interview with Jimmy Merris at U/C online!!! "...or you will die..." (click the pic!)

Check out Jimmy's exhibition here (ongoing till February 12th). Totally worth it!

A TATTOO

2011-02-06T15:54:00.003Z

This is one of my many tattoos (I have three serious and three not so serious). This particular one was made a drunken summer night together with my bf, my bff Judy and her bf. Judy has the same tattoo on her leg. Sometimes I forget that I have this tattoo because it's pretty small and it's located on the back of my leg. But every time I see it I can't help but to smile a bit because it's so silly and small and it brings back some lovely and sunny memories. It's four smileys that represent four friends. The motif is based on toothbrush-holders that Judy and her bf bought in Thailand last year fyi.

FATAL ERROR

2011-02-05T15:33:00.004Z

The worst thing with writing for a school paper, apart from that your shit gets edited more than it needs to so the students who edit stuff feels like they've had a major part in producing the paper, is that organisation and spelling can be a bit sloppy sometimes. I mean, who the hell is Caisia? Is that even a name? What does it mean? Is it a word? Is it English or Russian perhaps? CAISIA?! wtf! I don't care for the "fame", I'm just a bit pissed off about the fact that I can't have this piece in my portfolio, because the printed version doesn't look serious. It just doesn't look serious. Hello, my name is Caisia and I'm a joke!

MY BEST FRIEND

2011-02-04T11:16:00.001Z

TEENAGE RIOT

2011-02-04T10:44:00.003Z

There was a screening at the Pub the Haggesrton last night for VBS.tv's latest Rule Britannia film Teenage Riot. If you missed that because you were, like me, too scared of the wind to leave the house (it's storm in London!), you can watch the whole thing cut up in five parts here. I'm sure it doesn't matter if you're a teenager/student/young person or not, riots are fun to watch even if you can't relate to them.

(Obviously even better if you can).

Click on each pic for each episode.

SO BEAUTIFUL YOU WANNA CRY

2011-02-03T10:43:00.001Z

This clip makes me think about my grandmother who was born in 1910. She's still alive.
The music makes me think about my very special one. I'm such a cliché...

FLOWERS

2011-02-01T23:30:00.001Z

Sometimes you just wanna be me. Look what I've got!

SWIM

2011-01-28T11:46:00.003Z

Me and my bff Judy went to a Leisure Centre the other day to get fit and enjoy the sauna (this is a part of our Scandinavian culture fyi). We went there in the morning in the middle of the week because it's cool to exercise in the mornings and it's cheaper at off-peak times (we are poor students). However, several things are just wrong with Leisure Centres in London.

First off; the swimming pool at this particular centre is in the basement and the sauna is on the second floor. That means that you have to take a lift and some stairs half-naked and wet to enjoy the sauna after swimming. People are looking at you as if your weird. I think it's kind of obvious that you should be able to enjoy the sauna after swimming since pool-water is cold, and when you're cold you want to enjoy heat. The sauna is hot.

Secondly; the sauna at this north London centre is like the smallest thing I've ever seen! And it doesn't have a proper "sauna-stove," that means that you can't make the thing hotter. It's basically like sitting in shoebox together with six other curvy middle-aged women and hope that it will be hot because we are so many in a small space. What happens instead is that you almost faint from lack of oxygen.

And last; there's a reason to why off-peak times are cheaper. Every mother on maternity leave in the whole of London goes to some kind of Leisure Centre in the mornings in the middle of the week. So if you even think you will be able to relax and enjoy a day of calm and quiet fitness, you're completely wrong. The kids are the centre of attention and you're basically surrounded by all these mothers who forgot who they are and living for their babies. Horrible. Crying babies everywhere and mothers who can't have adult conversations anymore. It makes you want to become fat and spend the rest of your life in bed.

WEDNESDAY/MORNING

2011-01-26T07:39:00.007Z

As a part of my stressful journalism student life, I'm writing for ALN school paper.

Therefore, I went to the OBL some days ago to review a night, read the online version here.

I hate that there's advertisement before videos on Youtube. I hate it and it makes me vomit in my mouth.

I dreamed about the above video last night. *FOR YOUR INFORMATION*

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS/ARON MÖREL

2011-01-24T15:50:00.003Z

Read about Morel Books' founder Aron here/Words by me/Pics and drawings by Roro Charnel.

LIAM BY ME [Pt.2]

2011-01-18T08:38:00.003Z

Read my latest proper written contribution to U/c Online - the real thing with Liam Sparkes.

More amazing pictures by Roro Charnel. Good start of the week and yada yada...

A BIT OF SUNDAY-FEELIN'

2011-01-16T16:53:00.003Z

Salem!

CAMERA MISERY/MUSHROOMS

2011-01-16T16:11:00.005Z

I've been suffering from like the worst anxiety ever since my camera was stolen in August.

A few years ago when I was poor (I still am), I saved up for a while and bought myself a SLR camera so I didn't have to spend shit loads of time and money every time I wanted some pictures developed and printed. But three years later some cheeky bastard doomed his place in whatever after-life-paradise there is and stole from me. So I time-travelled back and is currently taking pictures with my mum's old Nikon film camera. It works, the pictures are nice, but it's fucking time-taking. I mean, most of the time, the photos become reality like four months after certain things and events and I have to give up a whole day every time to scan the damn things. Anyway, I guess it's better than nothing and every time I'm developing pictures it's a bit like eating Kinder Surprise, although this surprise is far more exciting and nostalgic.

So when I was in Sweden last time (in September-ish) I took these pictures after some of my friends had been in the forest picking mushrooms. They failed to get the sort of mushrooms that they really wanted, but my friend Olle made some really nice mushroom-beefs that we ate with this special Swedish lingon-berry jam (the thing they serve with the meatballs at IKEA).

That was sweet.

LET ME PLAN YOUR THURSDAY IN EAST LONDON

2011-01-13T11:11:00.001Z

If you're like most, you probably already wants it to be Friday or Saturday today. Sick of commitments, work, studies, all you want to do is to relax, get drunk, have a laugh and be social without worrying about anything concerning your daily life and routine. Unfortunately you will have to wait yet another day before you can enjoy the weekend, but that doesn't mean that you can't have a fabulous Thursday anyway. This Thursday in particular, you can have fun and do something good for society - all in one!

Start your Thursday at Adham Faramawy's Legend II at the Aubin Gallery, Redchurch street. Some pretty interesting artwork will be there, and you will most probably meet some social dudes to have long, arty conversations with (but not too serious).

After some drinks at Adham's private view, bring the ones you hooked up with there down to Hoxton and the Macbeth! Lizzie Holdford is hosting a great party to support charity Through Unity. All you have to do is to pay the £6 entrance, have fun and dance, in this way you'll help out to make the streets in London a little bit safer - especially for young people.

Around midnight, move your ass home and wake up fresh and just a tiny bit hangover, ready to rock your weekend away.

TRENCHER - VLAD TAPAS

2011-01-13T11:07:00.001Z

Music by Trencher, video by Conan Roberts #brilliant

UNDER/CURRENT ONLINE

2011-01-12T19:54:00.004Z

Ladies, gentlemen and all the rest, let me introduce to you: U/C Online!
Printed biannual super good looking magazine Under/current has finally got a proper online buddy! I'm working with that. For this particular thing (pictured) Roro Charnel took the pictures. I'm proud of him for that. Liam looks great on those pictures and U/C online looks quite amazing now as well. Basically, everything is and looks pretty great and amazing at the moment.

Part two with Liam will come up soon. Stay tuned.

CABBAGE, OUR BEST FRIEND

2011-01-11T10:15:00.005Z

My boyfriend bought this piece of cabbage sometime in November 2010 in the days when our diet was suppose to be based on soups and vegetables. We never used this poor little pice of healthiness because neither of us really knows how to cook it. The cabbage ended up staying in our fridge for about a month, without changing colour nor consistence. It kept on being green and hard.

In December, me and my boyfriend moved over to our friend Sydney's place to stay for about a month. For some reason the cabbage came with us, just to stay in Sydney's fridge, smiling every time someone opened the door. Still without changing colour nor football-alikeness.

We're now back in our real home and so is our cabbage. It's sleeping safely in the fridge, moving sometimes to make space for milk, butter and occasionally some other fruits and vegetables.

It's been two months, and the cabbage looks just as healthy as it did the day we got it. The question is now whether we have the heart - or rather the stomach- to eat it?

One thing for sure is that we just can't get rid of it as long as it looks so perfect and green. You might think that this is a joke. It's not. It's a real-life-honest-and-sincere dilemma. How could our part of the fridge possible be our part of the fridge without this little vegetable-ball? How could we possible eat someone who's been a part of our everyday life for so long? How could we just treat him - after all this time - as garbage and just throw him away like a piece of too-old-piece-of-shit?

Any advice are very much welcome. Thanks.

BLUE VALENTINE

2011-01-07T16:23:00.000Z

WANNA GET FIT/BUT WILL PROB. CRY TRYING

2011-01-05T11:56:00.006Z

YES, I know, I know, I'm such a cliche. But excuse me for trying to prepare for beach 2011 in time so I don't have to worry about my extremely loose body-mass when running into the water some time in June/July/August.

One of the best (and worst) Christmas gifts that I received this time around was from my BFF Liza: the cheese slicer (all the way from Sweden)! I hate eating cheese that is cut rather than sliced, and lazy-cheese that's already been sliced when you buy it is way too thick.

I've never seen anywhere except possibly IKEA where you can find a proper cheese slicer in London. But now I finally got my own! One problem though - now I just can't stop eating cheese! I think about ways to slice and eat cheese all the time, ALL THE TIME! My life has kind of become sliced cheese! Unless I start going to the gym, there will not be any beach 2011 for my part, and future generations will only remember me as the slicer-woman, which, unless I get some super powers, is like the most horrible thing anyone could ever wanna be called (much less be remembered for).

INVASION [BETTER LATE THAN NEVER]

2010-12-31T13:49:00.005Z

About six months ago, I met metal band Invasion at the 123 Shoreditch festival.
We talked about pop-stuff such as skinny jeans and music.

Read the interview here.

HELLO NYE!

2010-12-30T21:13:00.002Z

So I got myself a pair of new heels on sale. Think I'm going to be pretty tall while welcoming the new year.
Photo by Roro

JOKES

2010-12-30T19:03:00.005Z

There's this pretty famous Swedish girl, known as Blondinbella, who from time to time seems to attract the attention of various bored and concerned people in Sweden. People tend to get pretty upset when it comes to her; she's successful among wannabee-rich kids in doing stuff like releasing books about how to get good self-esteem (Ego-boost) and starting various companies such as rhetoric-expertise-bureus, and now latest, her own magazine (also called Ego-boost).

She calls herself an "entrepreneur" but is often referred to as a "provocateur" in a bad way. Basically since she gained all her success through blogging. Yes, writing unedited stuff about her outfits, political opinions and whatever she thinks about anything from wearing make-up to how difficult it can be to catch a taxi in peak-time in Stockholm's east-side. She's a blogger like anyone else, except that she's one of the biggest in Sweden and she got "rich" because of it (as well as with some help of her dad).

I've never really paid that much attention to this young little blonde (who turned 20 just recently). She doesn't represent anything I admire and she's not particularly funny. Then last week I read that while recruiting writers for her magazine, she, who doesn't have any experience of higher education nor proper writing, thinks that the university of journalism in Stockholm is "a joke." Loads of people were like, "how the hell can she talk about something she doesn't know anything about?" and seemed to forget the fact that making statements about things she doesn't know anything about is her thing. And it has been her thing since she was 16. It's also the reason to her fame. She's like Sweden's Lady GaGa of blogging, except for the fact that she doesn't really have any talent whatsoever, except from upsetting people and complaining without proper arguments.

Anyway, I flickered through some comments in this matter, and this anonymous participator in the debate thought that it was a joke to even call themselves journalists and that journalism wouldn't even be considered as a career. Now, I'm not a proper journalist, I'm just one of those "jokes" who's studying the subject in the matter, and I'm taking my part in writing edited stuff as well as blogging about whatever comes to my head.

I don't want to sound like someone who has something stuck up my ass, but if it wasn't for journalism (and people feeling provoked), Blondinbella would probably never have gained her fame at the first place. And she would certainly never have been able to start her own magazine. What she's doing is not something new, maybe in a new format, but being famous for doing nothing but being centre of attention, "looking good" and releasing books is something that Katie Price aka Jordan already has succeeded with (although she was naked most of the time).

PEPPER CAKES AKA GINGER BREAD

2010-12-28T13:41:00.006Z

Except from having lovely friends over from north and south Europe (Sweden and Italy) as well as spending Christmas eve on a crowded house party in Brick Lane and drinking endless amounts of mulled wine (glögg), me, my bf, my bf's bff and my bff spent Christmas day baking gingerbread.

Since we lacked traditional shapes to make cookies with, such as trees, stars and hearts, we made modern christmas-ish stuff such as lips, mustaches and Roro Charnel's logo.

These shapes also made the cookies taste exceptionally different, especially with a bit of Italian Gorgonzola on top.

Totally worth to give a try.

OUTFIT A LA SNOW

2010-12-18T12:31:00.005Z

I'm wearing the same dress every day. This is because A) it's my favourite dress of all time and B) because I'm currently crashing my dear friend Sydney's place and I couldn't be bothered to bring any other clothes. Also, this simple, long and comfortable dress from H&M (hey fashion blogger!) is like the best thing anyone could ever wear when it's winter and you don't want to look like a giant Michelin-man.

Watch my other outfits here.

NYE 10/11

2010-12-17T12:30:00.003Z

Stuck for ideas on New year's eve?

The Old Blue Last is hosting a promising house party for those of you who are welcoming 2011 in London. I've heard that it's going to be pretty sick. Click here for early bid tickets.

EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED

2010-12-11T11:31:00.003Z

So my boss at the restaurant where I work has this thing for "sexy" videos. Like, he makes his own playlists of music videos that he puts on display for all the costumers who are coming to eat a Japanese meal while Christmas shopping in the West end. My boss' favourite videos include Lady GaGa and various Korean pop stars with little or no clothes (and massive amounts of make-up). Yesterday, he had updated his playlist and added this piece of complete rubbish. Can you imagine trying to eat a few pieces of raw fish whilst watching and hearing Paffendorf's attempt to be sexy and cheap? The lyrics include poetry such as, "the harder we come, the rougher you go" and "expect the unexpected." Other rubbish on my shit-list just got serious competition.

HELLO FRINGE

2010-12-08T12:54:00.003Z

I'm suffering from dry skin. Like, really dry skin. My left eye is covered with dry skin and my left side of my mouth is falling off because my skin is so dry. No matter how much make-up I put on, how much cream I abuse or whatever face masks I use, my little face just doesn't stop being dry.

So the other day I cut a fringe in an attempt to move focus from my dry skin to my hair. Also, I'm doing everything in my power to make my hair grow. Like, I wanna have long hair down to my bum.

As I cut my fringe, I realised that I can now have a lame little pony tail. It gives the illusion that my hair is longer than it actually is.

However, it now looks a lot shorter from the front. But I don't care. I have a fringe. And dry skin.

SALEM

2010-12-02T17:01:00.005Z

This was Salem yesterday at The Old Blue Last, London. Photo by Roro Charnel

I have a thing for Salem. Now, my thing for them is not like the thing I have for my boyfriend or that some girls have for shoes. I just really like their sound. So I've exposed my ears from time to time with Salem remixes and Salem leaks for about a year since a former flatmate of mine gave me some tunes from some weird hacker site. The tunes he gave me were from an album called ¢ãíùóôï Üëìðïõì (25/8/2008 6:58:16 ìì) and despite being of really shit quality they made me totally hooked.

Anyway, during the past two months or so, since the release of their album King Night, I've become completely brain damaged by their sweet tunes. And yesterday I had the honour to celebrate The Old Blue Last's 310th Birthday where Salem was one of the main acts. Despite the fact that I've been really ill for the past five days and have been prescribed unhealthy amounts of antibiotics (2000mg a day!) I just had to see how the mysterious people behind the music look like.

I came to the conclusion that they A) look bored and B) they don't like stage lights.

But it was pretty sweet to see them live. And I still like their music. A lot.

I HOPE YOU HAVEN'T MISSED..

2010-11-23T20:47:00.003Z

...THE PRODUCERS?

VBS.tv are currently broadcasting this six part documentary about the people behind the music. Perfect for grey weekdays when there's nothing to do but to look at that old screen of yours. In the second episode of the series (pictured above) we get to meet Gareth Jones, a pretty cool dude who has worked with names such as Depeche Mode, Nick Cave and my favourites Interpol. Click here for more.

TO MISS AND TO HOPE

2010-11-14T03:08:00.001Z

THAT COMPETITION

2010-11-14T01:48:00.005Z

Here is what I didn't win that competition with (in case you care):

THE TIME OF MY LIFE

"Even though Stockholm is surrounded by water you never fully appreciate it unless you interact with it, something that you’re better off doing in the summer. After all, no one wants to know how it is to break through ice and fight for your life, holding on to a slippery surface and curse the day you were born. Believe me, it’s not as romantic as it seems in Titanic.

We were some friends who decided to rent a rowboat and drink sparkling wine and enjoy the sunshine some time in July a few years ago.

Suddenly, a seagull pooped in my face (gross) and picked on my friend’s head. We had accidently bobbed away to a seagull nest were an angry seagull mother lived with her eggs.

Because of partying, we had been awake for a few days and weren’t in the clearest of minds. Therefore we fought with the bird for about 15 minutes, trying to hit her with an oar, before we finally realised that we were the ones who had trespassed.

When she finally got rid of us, we continued our trip, falling asleep in the sun, just to wake up with headaches, looking like boiled crabs.

Amazing."

At least I kept it to 200 words. Exactly 200 words. Win!

MY LIFE AS A WAITRESS pt. 2

2010-11-07T17:54:00.004Z

There you have it.

Continuing on my comment about the awful part in my life were I have to serve all these kinds of people who doesn't know how to show respect to those who are serving them, I will tell you guys another really annoying thing about being a waitress.

You see, I have this amazing tattoo on my arm that this girl Fanny inked on my skin some time ago when I was in France. I really appreciate that loads of strangers agree with me and also think that this little piece of art is pretty. So it's not like I have a problem with people who comment on the fact that I have a very nice tattoo on my arm. Thank you very much, I think so too.

The problem I have, however, is all these questions. "What is that on your arm?" Well, it seems to be a tattoo, doesn't it? Or, "What does it say on your arm?" "Is that music you have on your arm?" "What language is that on your arm?" And the worst: "Can you please, sing that song you have on your arm?" (Ehh.. No!) Excuse me if I sound a bit rude now, but: I don't think that's any of your damn business!

No one of all these people would ask me these questions if I walked down the street. No one of these people would pick on my shoulder on the bus questioning what the heck I had tattooed on my arm and why, and certainly not get offended if I'd answer that I'd rather keep that to myself since I don't know them.

But now, since my only source of income is to smile and serve food to all these strangers a few days a week who already like to make conversation about the fact that I look like a foreigner (someone actually thought that I was Chinese! Like, what?), it's suddenly all of their business what I have on my arm. And they never stop! Not even if I say: "If I told you what's on my arm, I would have to tell 50 other people a day the same thing, so let's talk about what you want to eat instead."

People get seriously upset and think that I'm rude! Maybe I'm stupid, but I just don't get it! I'm obviously not the kind of waitress who likes to talk about myself; I'm just there to do my job, get paid and go home. Waitressing is NOT a part of my personality, so excuse me if I don't like to share the history about my tattoo with people I probably won't see ever again. Like, let's talk about the food and let me recommend the wine if you have any problems or questions.

It's not like I'm a bitter person who has trouble making conversation. I just don't want to make the conversation about something that really doesn't have anything to do with anyone else but myself. Is that being awkward and wrong? Well, some people seem to think that it is. So let me say this; yes of course it's OK to ask where I'm from and discuss how beautiful Sweden is, and yes, it's OK to say that my tattoo is beautiful, and all those things. It's fine. But since most of the people eating at the restaurant where I work already don't seem to consider me as a person, rather a running robot, I would really appreciate it if they stopped asking questions about things that really don't concern them. Like, why I choose to get tattoo of a song on my arm. If you can't read notes you're probably not meant to know what's going on on my skin in the first place.

RAW SEX

2010-10-29T11:43:00.005+01:00

One of the most, in my view, interesting documentaries is about to come soon - MANDINGO!

VBS travels to Tampa, Florida – home of America’s fastest growing fetish: interracial swinging. It’s a scene run by a mysterious gangbang crew known as The Florida Mandingos.

Our guide is Art Hammer, the founder of the Florida Mandingos, a group of “discreet, professional, educated, intelligent, physically fit, drug and disease free, well-hung black gentlemen, age 24-45, that specialise in hot, intense, nasty gangbangs for couples/females who love big black dicks and black dick fantasies!”

Watch trailers here and here

200 WORDS

2010-10-27T16:45:00.003+01:00

I'm about to enter this competition. But as soon as I know that there are other really talented people out there, I get all empty and loose the small bit of confidence that exists in my Scandinavian soul. The problem now is that I can't think of a time when I ever was happy and excited about anything (the topic of the comp.). And if I ever was, it was too big of an experience to fit in 200 words. Perhaps I should look upon this as a failure, but my positive me is just considering this as practice. Although I'll probably won't win until the day that I feel confident and happy enough to share short moments that are sacred to me, I will enter anyway. However, I haven't come up with the winning piece yet. But in the meantime, you can read the following failure with which I won't enter the competition (since a classmate of mine said he can do it much better and will now also enter):

Recently, I heard that Limewire had been shut down. Although I’m nowadays only using torrents, this news made a little hole grow in my stomach. For those of you who don’t know what Limewire was, think of it as the follower to legendary Napster.

When Limewire was on the top of its career, in the early 00s, the glorious days of high-speed broadband had yet to come. I spent most of my premature teenage days drinking expensive booze that I had stolen from my parents, while waiting for hours for that one tune that I’d spotted on MTV to be downloaded – just to realise that I’d mistakenly downloaded a Trojan horse. All I wanted in life was to be “old enough” and have unlimited access to music in some way.

A decade later, Spotify is taking over the world and I no longer even have to hide the fact that I smoke. I’m probably the only person around who’s mourning Limewire. Not because it ever was a great invention, rather because it reminded me of days when getting that one tune was worth the wait and when I treated things, that I now take for granted, as if they were made of gold.

Pretty lame(wire) ha ha

LAST NITE

2010-10-24T22:02:00.002+01:00

THE MOST USELESS DOCUMENTARY EVER

2010-10-14T19:01:00.005+01:00

My grandma's old telly showing Bergman's "Fanny & Alexander." Not The Oprah Show. Photo by me

A while back, when I was in Sweden, I fell terribly sick. I got this soar throat and decided to sit outside without a proper scarf or jacket and drink tea that went cold after ten minutes for an hour. This obviously resulted in me getting fever that caused me fainting and forced me to stay in my sister's sofa, having the telly as my only company on a sunny Friday in my beloved home country.

While lying there in my miserable state, sleeping or rather being in dreamland, a place where you can’t tell if you’re awake or asleep nor what is real and what is not, I heard Oprah Winfrey’s voice entering my mind. The reason for this was obviously because Oprah’s horrible talkshow was the only thing that the telly could offer me during a day when the rest of the Swedish population were doing things such as working, studying or drinking coffee with their mates (and showing off their latest purchase from H&M), i.e. not watching TV.

Now, because I was in this weird state of sickness, reminding me of Kafka’s tuberculosis symptoms (but hardly that serious), I don’t know for sure if what I heard on the telly is right or not, but I could swear that Oprah had invited this weird dude who had a common American name such as John Smith.

John Smith had spent a lifetime contacting other John Smiths and made a documentary about different dudes named John Smith, born in the same year, and even on the same day.

For an hour or so, I could hear how Oprah was asking questions to John (possibly called something else such as Richard) about his feelings towards the other Johns and if they had similar lifestyles and dreams etc. just because they had the same name. The top story in all this bull crap was that John, who was a banker or something had met another John who was homeless and because of banker John’s documentary, homeless John sorted out his life.

Maybe it was because I was so sick at the time that I couldn’t figure out what was so amazing with the story, or maybe it was just that I didn’t care about John Smith because I know that I am the only Caisa Ederyd alive on this planet, but seriously, what was Oprah thinking? “Hey you guys, why don’t you look up everyone with the same name and age as you and compare your lives!?” That must be like the most depressing thing a person can do, especially if you happen to be homeless John. Who wants to know that there is someone else out there with your name and birthday who is better off than you?

Because of my fever I didn't hear the end of the story, maybe something really cool came out of it; maybe even John met a dude who had the exact same life as him but in a different country. I mean that would have been amazing! Like, John Smith in Canada has a wife called Elisabeth and works as a banker, his dad died when he was ten and his mother was forced to prostitution and he has four kids called Simon, Henry, Steve and Holly, aged 5, 7, 9 and 11, and John Smith in America had the EXACT same story and life. I mean, wow! A real life, all natural, clone!

But just looking for people with the same name and age and make a documentary and start a union called “for us who are called John Smith and are born in May 1969” is just lame.

Especially if they are completely different, as people tend to be if they have different families and grow up in completely different environments, and mostly obvious, have different DNAs. It's not like making a documentary that is of interest to the public or to highlight a minority, cult or union with rare interests. Maybe I'm narrow minded, but I just don't see the point why Oprah should get involved in all this John Smith dravel.

But on the other hand, I wasn't in a clear and well state of mind at the time, I don't even know if I was awake, so maybe this banker Smith is just a creation of my mind and maybe there is a good reason to why Oprah is a powerful media profile and maybe the point with the documentary (if it ever was made) totally makes sense. So maybe I should just shut my mouth and mind my own business. Like wearing warm clothes when it's cold to make sure that I don't get sick.

SBTRKT AND ME

2010-10-13T16:29:00.004+01:00

Not that I actually have met the mysterious man behind the mask, but a few days ago I asked SBTRKT a few questions, such as his relationship to bikes, and I found out some stuff about him. How I found this out is as secret as his human face.

Anyway, you can read what was on his mind here.

THE TIME I MET THRUSH METAL

2010-10-12T11:40:00.003+01:00

Once upon a time this summer, I went to 1,2,3,4 Shoreditch with some friends and hung out backstage all day drinking free beer and cider and exchanged drink tickets for a brand new pair of Converse (a size 4 which I later sold on Brick Lane in an effort to pay my bills). I had chats with members from bands such as Invasion, La Shark and Action Beat. I also met up with three members from girl-punk-power band Thrush Metal. Despite all of them being super models and super hyped, none of them wanted to talk about fashion. Which I guess is fair enough since they are playing in a band now. Read what they wanted to talk about here.

MY LIFE AS A WAITRESS

2010-10-07T21:22:00.006+01:00

Happy customers, i.e. my friends, photo by me

Working at a busy restaurant in central London might sound, to some, like a flattering job where you get yourself a good deal of tips and loads of free and fancy food. Yeah, I know, to others it might sound like a lame attempt to get some extra cash in a failure to get another job. To me, it's just hard work for little money and I often find myself in weird psychological situations where I discover sides of myself that previously have been completely unknown. Waitressing to me is sometimes better than the most complex psycho-analysis a la Freud.

First of all, after doing this job off and on for the past three years, I am completely understood with the fact that I'm not suppose to be a waitress. Service jobs like these don't match my DNA and the fact that I've been able to keep this job for such a long time is one of the biggest mysteries of my life.

Secondly, I admire people who fully enjoy being a waitress/waiter, those who get triggered by the fact that they are the ones who decide whether or not a customer should have a pleasant meal or not. Now, my kind of waitressing is not some hot shot fancy michelin kind of waitressing, I mean, I don't even have to open bottles of wine in front of my customers, and no one cares if the wine in matter is corked or not. But I admire myself a bit for being able to do a job that I hate so intensely for so long. Like, I've proved to myself that I can do quite a lot to be able to pay my rent. However, waitressing is probably the lowest I could go.

Now, don't get me wrong here, I don't see waitressing as a super shitty job that I place in the lowest of cast systems, it's just that I don't get stimulated by this job whatsoever - Unless we have a staff party and the company gives us endless amounts of booze and food. This happens 0,5 times a year, so it's not like it's worth working 40 hours a week for a lame christmas party where the food is pretty much the same as you eat three times a day, five days a week, 340 days a year.

Anyway, back to the psychological bit. I've always thought of myself as a person with a bit of patience. Not super human patience like people have who build weird and small things such as mini-ships in bottles, but at least quite good patience with people I don't know. Like, I could see myself as a teacher sitting on meetings with impossible parents for two hours without a problem.

Waitressing, however, has proved to me that I was wrong. A part of my job is called to be a "seater." Being a "seater" means to take care of the quite obvious task of seating people down. You don't need to be Einstein to do this, all you have to do is to make sure that you put couples together so there's room for big groups of people so you don't have to ask the big groups to wait for ages or ask them to leave. All in the name of getting as many people seated as possible so that the company earns as much money as possible. Makes sense, right?

Now, the general public who like to go out for a bit of food don't always, but very often have problems with getting told where to sit. It goes a bit like this: I ask a couple to sit somewhere not too close to another couple and it's obvious that everyone who's eating at that time are sitting in the same area of the restaurant. The couple sees a group of tables where no one's sitting, far far away from the rest of the eating customers, it's about 7.30 PM on a Friday night and within half an hour the restaurant will be super busy and you won't find anywhere were you can sit "in private." Despite this, the couple insists to sit in that far away corner by a table that is obviously made for a group larger than four people.

My reaction to this should be to tell them in a polite way that their favorite table is reserved for a larger group of eating guests, but inside of me I can feel how all I want to do is to tell them to eat at home if they want to be alone, and if they know where's best for them to sit on a busy Friday night, then why the hell aren't they doing my fucking job?

Instead I smile and find another table in the couple's area that is a bit more private, however, I make sure that I put the next people just next to the annoying couple. Not very professional and not very polite of me. I look upon this side as the "dark side of waitressing Caisa." One of those sides that I just recently found out existed.

Being a "seater" is a quite stressful job when it's busy times. I get to run quite a lot and very often during the weekends there's a queue, i.e. a long line of people waiting to get seated and served. Very recently I discovered a nervous side of myself. A side that I didn't like at all. It was as if I was a shamed dog and all I wanted to do was to stand in a corner and cry or crawl back into my mum's womb.

I was in a quite good mood and a group of three, two guys and one girl, had been waiting for a while to get somewhere to sit. I finally found a table for them, very close to a big group celebrating a birthday. With a long line waiting behind the three, I found myself very stressed out and I could feel how gross pearls of sweat started to tangle down my forehead. I thought that these three looked as if they could be friend of my friends, and for some weird reason I was really concerned that they wouldn't like their table. So when I got them seated I asked them like two times if this was good enough for them, like a fucking servant. So silly. One of the guys looked quite pissed off and unhappy, so I paid some extra attention to him, asking him a third time if there was a problem with the table since I hadn't got an answer from neither of them the two times before. And instead of giving me a polite smile, assuring me that everything was fine, he looked even more pissed off, asking me back: do you have a problem? I was like, wtf? i.e. just looked surprised and said: no? why? And his evil little voice explains that my expression on my face is weird and that it looks as if I have some serious problems.

Now I thought that my reaction inside would be a go-fuck-yourself-and-I-will-spit-in-your-food-you-fucking-unhappy-piece-of-shit. But instead I found myself disorientated and couldn't focus on anything but day dreaming about a painful death for the rest of the evening.

I realize that to anyone who reads this, it sounds a bit whatever and most of you probably can't relate to being in a position where people don't look at you as a person anymore, rather an object who is there to obey your will. And I've probably lost my intention and point with this piece of life sharing, but like, next time you decide to go out and eat, give the waiter/waitress a bit of extra tips and don't fuck around with where to sit and say thank you and be polite, it makes a difference. If not for you, it surely does for them/us. (And if you can't afford to tip then don't go out and eat and NEVER complain about the service charge unless the service has been really, really shit. Like no service whatsoever).

JOHNNY EXPLORES DETROIT

2010-10-01T12:57:00.005+01:00

I don't know if you remember when Palladium Boots teamed up with models Daisy Lowe and Alice Dellal to show some of their favorite hidden and abandoned places in London. If you missed that, don't cry as there's more to it now when Palladium are continuing their search for forgotten pearls around the world. This time they've teamed up with legendary Johnny Knoxville. In a three-episode documentary, Johnny discovers Detroit, a city which has been referred to as "the Death of the American Dream." A pretty depressing description. However, Johnny will discover that there's a lot more to Detroit than death, misery and poverty. Happy things such as creativity and community for example. Check out the pretty uplifting and interesting documentary here.

BLOCKED/TISSUE ABUSE

2010-09-29T13:10:00.003+01:00

Listening to "Pioneer To the Falls" (& this) on repeat while lying in bed and shaking my head in lame attempts to get rid of an extreamly blocked right ear. Abusing toilet paper in a way that should be environmentally illegal. When all I need to do is to read and formulate my magical dissertation proposal for Monday, all I can do is to lay in bed and try to figure out ways to get things done. I feel so sorry for myself. especially a day like this when I'm all alone, the sky is grey, I'm partly deaf and my nose just doesn't stop producing nightmare-ish liquids. Gosh.

Miracle, hello!? I'm waiting for you!

PIMP PARENTS

2010-09-21T22:01:00.004+01:00

Anyone who wants to check some quality journalism should watch Prostitutes of God on VBS.tv, episode one here and two here.

No need for me to describe it as it speaks pretty good for itself...

I'M USELESS + UWE BOLL

2010-09-13T19:28:00.006+01:00

So I'm preparing to go back to uni for the very last time in the end of this month. While I'm doing this, I realize that it is really fucking difficult to sort out life and get some kind of routine. Despite the fact that I'm putting three alarms on every morning so that I can eat breakfast, read a few chapters in some interesting books and call on a few flats before lunch, I never seem to get up before one. yes. pm.

So here I'm sitting yet another Monday night wondering where the hell the day went and what I did wrong.

Today, while I'm doing this, i.e. nothing, I've discovered a trailer for a very interesting and disturbing film by German director Uwe Boll called Auschwitz. Pretty creepy. But as I'm a bit of a freak, I just can't wait for the whole film to come out.

Read what Uwe has to say about pretty much everything that concerns the movie here.

SYDNEY IS OFFICIALLY THE BEST

2010-09-02T13:59:00.004+01:00

Sydney's "Ice Cream" winner!

So yeah, it's true. My extremely talented friend SYDNEY won the Kopparberg Klash: film competition (in association with VICE) yesterday.
I knew it, I knew it, I knew it.
Double celebration tomorrow.

I'm so lucky being surrounded by all these amazing and talented friends. Just love 'em.

GUITAR HEROES

2010-09-01T13:26:00.006+01:00

I am experiencing an extremely stressful period at the moment. Working, studying, searching for a new flat, organizing potential articles and looking for internships and money without the essential notion of time in my life. Gosh! I'm so looking forward to Christmas already...

Like Christmas last year, when friends in Stockholm gathered at Johanna's place for some traditional Glögg and "pyssel" (i.e. cut and paste). And when Jazzmine and I slept at a hotel for no logical reason whatsoever.

What happened to the sweet life without any musts and troubles? Hopefully it will all be better on Friday.

Oh, glorious birthday! I so need to be surprised!

I'M IN BIZARRE!

2010-08-31T13:44:00.003+01:00

Check out the latest Bizarre Mag where my tattoo is featured!

Pretty unflattering picture of my sleepy face, but hey, I would like to see you look like a supermodel while getting inked on one of the most painful areas of your skin...

VIRGOS UNITED

2010-08-27T14:23:00.005+01:00

Nico, 25 today, in Stockholm during winter as a 24 year-old, photo by me

Today is the official (or perhaps unofficial) start date of one of the most exciting times of the year! And this year in particular.
While you other unlucky souls celebrate your birthdays during sunny summers or cold winters, clashing with other not so exciting but necessary celebrations such as Christmas and Easter, or have some random date completely detached from the rest of the world and their routines, all my friends the VIRGOS will be celebrating birthdays non-stop for a month from today, starting with my partner in Stockholm-crime, Nico (happy birthday to him)! Shame though that I didn't book a ticket with the train to go via Berlin to Malmö tonight so that I could celebrate the 25th birthday WITH Nico instead of just on the phone. Today also marks one week left of my frustrating life as a 22 year-old. I will therefore listen to THIS TUNE every morning from today till Thursday, honestly and with a straight back for the last time in my life. On Sunday it's Sydney's day and then my partner in life Roro will change age just a week after me, as well as Daniel, Alexia, Nathan, Nelson, Miriam... the list will go on and on and on.

Superstitious as I am, I actually do believe that there is something magic with virgos, and I do think that this period of the year is the most important time for all of us late August/September children.

I don't blame you if you think that all this whaffle is all bull-crap, but have a think about it and look around, you'll probably realise that among the few people you do know what their zodiac sign is, they either have the same one as you, or are simply virgos.

THE WORLD'S MOST FASHIONABLE BEANIE

2010-08-25T15:50:00.003+01:00

While cleaning out my closet today, I found my old lover the Kajsa-beanie! Grandma gave it to me when I was about two or three years old but totally missed out on the fact that I spell my name CAISA and not KAJSA - despite it being grandma herself who came up with my extremely beautiful spelling. anyways. It's deffo THE best head-outfit for autumn 2010 with fashion week coming up in September. So fucking RETRO!

IT'S ALL ABOUT TATTOOS

2010-08-20T14:13:00.003+01:00

Despite my life being very busy and boring- I'm working about 50 hours per week at a restaurant - lately, I've managed to enjoy some pretty good parties and had loads of fun with friends who are as good as my family.

On Saturday, after spending the night at our dear friend Sydney's great house party, we discovered that my dearest belonging, the camera, had been stolen as well as Judy's iPod and wallet with all her money for the rest of the month. However, after we had mourned our loss for a bit, we decided to dedicate the rest of our Sunday morning to celebrating the good friendship Judy, Ricky, Roro and me had developed in less than a week (well, Judy and I have been each other's second halves for about ten years). So we decided to get tattooed as a symbol for our great love to each other.

What started as one tattoo, four smilies that represent the four of us, ended up in at least two identical tattoos on each of our drunk bodies (including some names). A very good idea that helped us coming over the fact that we had lost expensive things that actually aren't that important if you really, really, think about it. We lost money, but found love. Very cheesy but oh so true. £♥

OUR WASHING MACHINE IS COMPLETELY MENTAL

2010-08-10T14:09:00.001+01:00

[OLD ME]

2010-08-03T16:21:00.003+01:00

Once upon a time when I lived in another flat and had another life, I used to put a picture of myself on all my hard copy CV's.
This was the picture.
I didn't get any jobs.
I wonder why?

NEW HAIR

2010-07-28T17:05:00.001+01:00

TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT!

2010-07-22T12:54:00.004+01:00

So if your up for seeing me in pain, come down to Euston Square and The Wellcome Collection tonight to see me getting tattooed by Bruno at Pure Ink! The tattoo is the winning design in Don't Panic's tattoo design competition that has been running during this spring.

And yes, I'm nervous but oh so excited!

Wish me good luck!

KOPPARBERG KLASH [FASHION] - USE YOUR RIGHT TO VOTE!

2010-07-20T19:32:00.003+01:00

Someone once said that democracy is retro. Even though, at this time that retro thing doesn't concern politics, you should definitely vote on your favourite photo styled by the finalists in The Kopparberg Klash Series - Fashion Styling.

Kopparberg has teamed up with VICE to promote undiscovered talent. They are also hosting a party tomorrow. Check out the event on Facebook here. And most importantly: to vote, "like" your favourite finalist on the event's wall. The winner will receive stuff you don't even dare to dream about..

SOON TO BE INKED

2010-07-20T17:05:00.003+01:00

The tattoo shortlist is now up for everyone to see. The winner of what has seemed like a never ending competition will be announced this Thursday as part of The Wellcome Collection's Skin exhibition.

To be honest, I don't know myself which one it's going to be, so stay tuned!

Click the pic to see the finalists.

YESTERDAY

2010-07-18T22:13:00.002+01:00

#creators

GUESS WHERE I WAS YESTERDAY

2010-07-17T15:04:00.002+01:00

OIL ON CANVAS

2010-06-28T14:33:00.003+01:00

Don't Panic crashed the BP Portrait Awards at the National Portrait Gallery to serve some Krude de Gulf and to cast our critical eye across the oil on canvas.

The BP Portrait Award at the National Portrait Gallery was previously sponsored by Imperial Tobacco. Now it is socially unacceptable for tobacco to play this public role, and it is our hope that oil and gas will soon be seen in the same light, as the public comes to recognise that the sponsorship programmes of BP and Shell are means by which attention is distracted from their impacts on human rights, the environment and the global climate.

PEOPLE WHO ARE TAKING THE PISS OUT OF ME ARE STARTING TO PISS ME OFF

2010-06-27T03:30:00.001+01:00

BIG TIME

THE BIGGEST PARTY EVER

2010-06-24T18:37:00.008+01:00

This picture has absolutely nothing to do with the text below

A few days ago I was crying my eyes out because of the fact that I don't live in New York. There were several reasons for this, one was that my man had been invited to this important and exclusive event and we were (still are) too broke to go. Another reason was because of The Creators Project's massive party that will take place this Saturday with amazing live acts such as Interpol and Die Antwoord. I was like, "come on! why did I choose to live in rainy ass-hole London? whyyyy..."

But then the happy news arrived in my whatever electronic device's inbox that The Creators Project will, in less than a month, come to London! The exhibition/party/event is going to take place in Victoria House, which isn't that far away from anyone since it's central, and it's going to feature some of the artists that have been interviewed in The Creators Project during this spring/summer. United Visual Artists will be there, you know those guys who have been working with Massive Attack and Vivienne Westwood just to do a classic name-drop, and Spike Jonze himself, the I'm Here-director and Jackass dude who is featured in one of The Creators Project's latest videos, as well as Mark Ronson, Filthy Dukes, Yuck... well the list can go one for longer than I have time to write...

Anyway. YOU have the opportunity to attend this great party, which is going to be the biggest party VICE UK ever had! Find out exactly how, HERE, and don't make any other plans for July 17!

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE...I LOVE!!!

2010-06-24T13:32:00.003+01:00

Pure summer love and fashion. Fake are so yeah yeah yeah! TURN THE VOLUME UP, UP, UP!

HELLO AMAZING

2010-06-18T12:36:00.003+01:00

The Creators Project is pretty amazing (see here & here).

In their latest video we get to meet United Visual Artists (UVA). They make cool stuff such as light sculptures and installations and have worked with heavy names such as Chemical Brothers, Massive Attack, Basement Jaxx and Vivienne Westwood (!), providing them all with visuals. To see what they have to say, check THIS out.

COMPETITION UPDATE

2010-06-15T17:35:00.004+01:00

Although the voting process in the tattoo competition is open, you can still upload designs. So hurry, hurry, hurry! Deadline is on June 25!

Some people have emailed me and asked some questions regarding the design of the tattoo. The reason for me not answering your emails is because it's a bit unfair to those guys who haven't emailed me...

In case you haven't followed me on twitter or read my blog in the past, here is another chance to find out about my my key likes/key-words/inspiration stuff or whatever you want to call them. Once again, I love Egon Schiele, Pigs, Hearts and Veins.

Furthermore, here is what I think about some popular/not so popular design entries - don't take anything personal!

For some reason this is the most popular design so far. It makes sense, cause it's totally cool and beautiful.

I just wonder; who is the girl?

I really like this one.

To be honest, I don't really know WHY I like it, but it's stimulating to my eyes, and that's what tattoos are all about anyway, right?

One of my absolute favourites! I just adore the pig and the heart and the way they are linked.

What I don't get is why people who are voting aren't thinking the same as me?

wtf?

SUNDAY'S OUTFIT

2010-06-13T22:30:00.003+01:00

FREE RANGE PART TWO

2010-06-10T14:47:00.004+01:00

Photo: Gerardo Martinez

In this week's Free Range exhibition at The Old Truman Brewery, Gerardo Martinez will be exhibiting his portraits from his work London: Day & Night. My photo was taken and might be there.

And even if my photo won't be there, I will. For sure.

MARK RONSON OH YEAH

2010-06-08T16:40:00.003+01:00

Check out this pretty interesting video about Mark Ronson (influential music-maker etc).

He talks about his work such as working together with Lily Allen and Amy Winehouse as well as we get to listen a bit to his single Bang Bang Bang in which he works together with MNDR. We also get to know a bit about his view within contemporary technology such as viral videos and Twitter.

(too lazy to click the link? click the pic)

THIS IS ME LOOKING FOR A JOB

2010-06-08T15:47:00.001+01:00

The reason for that scarf around my hand is because my hand hurts without it. fyi

FREE RANGE

2010-06-07T18:57:00.002+01:00

Read my latest (click the pic) x

whatever

ARE YOU A HIM, HER OR HEN?

HEN IS A HEN

THIS: IS HOW I FEEL ATM

THE J-ERROR

WHY RIGHT-WING SWEDEN IS WRONG

ABOUT MOVING

SERIOUSLY

TRANSSEXUAL SANTA

HAPPY LUCIA

ABOUT/FOLLOWING/READING

MY FAVOURITE LOVE SONG OF ALL TIMES!

FIESTA!

PINK THURSDAY

NORTH EUROPEAN HAIR

YESTERDAY

AWESOME PHOTO BOOTH PHOTO

THE FUNNIEST FACE EXPRESSION I KNOW

BJÖRK HEARTS MANCHESTER

MUSIC ON A MONDAY (I LIKE)

BLOG IN SWEDE-ISH

*SOME LAZY HEADLINE*

FRANCE AND GRAVES THAT NO ONE CARES ABOUT ANYMORE

GHOSTS!

MUSIC AROUND US

LFW/UNI

WE WROTE

BRITNEY IS A THIEF (ISH)

LITE FASHION LIKSOM

A DETAIL

NEWS/COMING CHANGES/SVENSKA!

JAMES BLAKE HA HA

QUESTIONS/SKINNYJEANS

JIMMY MERRIS & HIS SHARING IS CARING VIDEO ART

A TATTOO

FATAL ERROR

MY BEST FRIEND

TEENAGE RIOT

SO BEAUTIFUL YOU WANNA CRY

FLOWERS

SWIM

WEDNESDAY/MORNING

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS/ARON MÖREL

LIAM BY ME [Pt.2]

A BIT OF SUNDAY-FEELIN'

CAMERA MISERY/MUSHROOMS

LET ME PLAN YOUR THURSDAY IN EAST LONDON

TRENCHER - VLAD TAPAS

UNDER/CURRENT ONLINE

CABBAGE, OUR BEST FRIEND

BLUE VALENTINE

WANNA GET FIT/BUT WILL PROB. CRY TRYING

INVASION [BETTER LATE THAN NEVER]

HELLO NYE!

*JOKES*

PEPPER CAKES AKA GINGER BREAD

OUTFIT A LA SNOW

NYE 10/11

EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED

HELLO FRINGE

SALEM

I HOPE YOU HAVEN'T MISSED..

TO MISS AND TO HOPE

THAT COMPETITION

MY LIFE AS A WAITRESS pt. 2

RAW SEX

200 WORDS

LAST NITE

THE MOST USELESS DOCUMENTARY EVER

SBTRKT AND ME

THE TIME I MET THRUSH METAL

MY LIFE AS A WAITRESS

JOHNNY EXPLORES DETROIT

BLOCKED/TISSUE ABUSE

PIMP PARENTS

I'M USELESS + UWE BOLL

SYDNEY IS OFFICIALLY THE BEST

GUITAR HEROES

I'M IN BIZARRE!

VIRGOS UNITED

SOME LAZY HEADLINE

JOKES